Reflecting

It's has been an incredible year. One year ago last Friday we checked into Children's Hospital for what proved to be a rocky journey. I can't even explain those first days in the hospital. It was so hard. My mind was filled with chaos. I was confused, sad, angry, frusterated, scared, and hurting for my baby. I don't think those feeling ever really left. I am happy now, and blessed to have healthy children. I remember the first days at the hospital, sharing a room with our little buddy, Iker, and finally being transferred to our own room. Poor Katelyn had such chubby little arms and feet, the nurses couldn't get an IV in, and when they finally did it would fall out within hours. She was poked over 30 times in the first few days we were there. The second night we were there I had to leave the room while the nurses held my baby down and poked her over and over until they finally got a vein. I sat outside the room and bawled my eyes out in the middle of the night until the screaming was over and I could go comfort Katelyn. It was traumatizing. The next morning she was scheduled for a central line. That was the end of the pokes, thank you Lord. I can't imagine those seven months if they included constant pokes. It would have been horrific! The first 9 days were endless. Everyday we waited to hear something, we waited for someone to tell us not what was wrong with Katelyn, but that it was all a big mistake and Kate was in perfect health. I think every parent goes through denial. I spent most of our hospital stay making the best of things but always, in the back of my head, I was waiting for someone to wake me up from the awful nightmare that wouldn't end.

On October 31st, 2008 we spent Katelyn's second Halloween trick or treating through the halls of Childrens Hospital. We trailed at the back because we wanted to go at Katelyn's pace and enjoy the excitement. Katelyn was dressed as an adorable little bumblebee and was the cutest thing you have ever seen! A few hours after we were done trick or treating Todd and I sent Katelyn on a walk with a nurse while we sat in our room with a handful of doctors, nurses, social workers, transplant specialists, etc. Dr. Schiff explained that it was very difficult to get a diagnosis because Katelyn's cancer was very rare. She is the 41st case to date, and only 20 children have had this form of leukemia over the last 20 years. Due to the minimal amount of research we were going to go with a general treatment for AML patients. Wow! I remember sitting there, unable to speak as I felt like my throat was closing in on itself. I couldn't see anyone's face, only their outlines because my eyes were consumed with a boatload of tears. It took everything I had to keep from bursting into hysteria as Katelyn's care team made their way to the door. Before the door was closed behind them, Todd had already wrapped me in his arms and we were both crying a river. I don't know how long it lasted, but it wouldn't be the last time we cried into eachothers embrace. On Halloween night our family came to the hospital and listened as I explained what Dr. Schiff had told us earlier that day. I must have cried all the tears I could cry at that point because I was able to explain everything I possibly could to our family while Todd could not say a word. I remember the devastation that took over the room that night. It was the most difficult day of my life. That was the first day of our battle against cancer.

Katelyn was so brave, and continues to prove it day in and day out. She has an innate ability to fight and win. Believe me, I see it every day. Not only did she prove strong and fearless, she won the battle and gained so much strength through her journey. Katelyn is an inspiration to me. In her short two years of life she has proven to be more than I could ever hope to be. She is a survivor, a fighter, a hero, and has been carried by Gods Angels through the most difficult trials. She has proven that no problem is too big to fight and win. She has taught me that nothing in this world matters more than family. Nothing matters more than my children. She has taught me that the most important thing I will ever do in my lifetime is love my children with my whole heart, and be there for them through everything.

I wasn't sure where this day, these reflections, and these thought would lead me. Here is what I do know. I am thankful that Katelyn has reclaimed her health. I am thankful that the four of us are here together. I am thankful that we have family and friends. I am thankful that we have love. I am thankful that we have God in our lives. I am thankful for the children and families that have befriended us along the way. I am thankful for the support that has been bestowed upon us this last year. I am thankful for my life. I am very thankful that this year is over.

Here is to life-long health, happiness, & love. Here is to Katelyn!

Here is to Nadia, to Zara, to Khuong, to Connor, to Iker, to Kylie, to Chase, to Brittany, to Abram, to Julian, to Joe, to D'Mario, to Sarah, to Juan, to Oscar, to Omar, to Lynn, to Haddie, to Heavenly, to Thalia, to Christian. Here's to all the children in Hem/Onc, fighting their battles. Here's to their health and healing.